Saturday, July 25, 2015


My column for Gazette Newspapers this week has drawn a lot of humorous response by phone and email. Apparently this country needs a lighter heart, and so I share the column with you on my blog as well:
   It seems like yesterday when, in a pre-9-11 world, I light-heartedly declared myself a write-in candidate for President of the United States. Long-time readers know the outcome of that self-nomination; I lost by a landslide! Every voter in America, including me, chose someone else.
   Now that everyone is running, including "The Donald," some of you are laughingly urging me to "run" again. I firmly decline.

   BUT SINCE THEY STILL make sense to me, I share some items from my former Presidential Platform:
   **As your President, I would choose my cabinet and appointees without regard to black, white, red, green, polka-dot or any other color; male or female; pure-blood or Heinz 57; old or young or in-between...  Ability, experience and character would rule in my selections.
   **All people born in this country to legal U.S. citizens would be officially designated as "Native Americans."
  **I would champion "plain English" as the national language and would encourage its use in all legislation.
  **I would designate Voting Day as a legal holiday and would seek a tax penalty for all eligible Americans who don't vote.
  **I would call for a tax credit for those who serve on juries, and I would switch the jury-selection pool from the list of registered voters to the list of licensed drivers.
  **I would function as your president, not your mother. I wouldn't tell you what to eat or not eat; or try to engineer your way of living; or raise your children for you; or tell you HOW to raise your children...
   **I would  push for election revisions to require President and Vice President to run separately, as it was in our country in some of its early election years. I would give the Vice President real work to do so he or she could be ready for my job if I should die, resign, lose my mind, run away or go to jail.
   **I wouldn't criticize or penalize the rich for being rich or the poor for being poor... I'd stand for equal opportunity for all Americans to pursue their dreams...
  **I would lighten up and encourage you to lighten up. In communicating with you, I would share the positives and the negatives, and I wouldn't peddle fear or hatred to advance my party or my own political gain.
  **I wouldn't use the people's time or money, or the people's White House, to work toward my future re-election. A simple "Moore!" or "NO Moore!" at the voting booth would be enough to keep me in the White House or send me home.
   **I would visit often with Congress and the Senate, and try hard to communicate between the parties.
  **In my decisions, I would put America first--and not the party!
   I couldn't be elected. It would take a person far beyond my own capabilities to build a viable political constituency. In these days of political correctness, we are splintered in too many directions, and  we no longer look for what is in the heart; we look for trouble!
   I'd be in my mid-70s at voting time---too old for the young vote; too young for the old; too strong-minded for the old-fashioned; too traditional for the New Wave; and not electable for countless other reasons.
   I would not handle well the scrutiny and loss of privacy. I couldn't easily give up my intrinsic informality and Wild Irish Rose ways. I say a lot of words, and I couldn't tolerate the knowledge that every one of those words would be checked for hidden meaning, to dog me all my days...
   I'd balk at the idea of taking the Secret Service  along  with me for my x-rays, colonoscopies and other senior medical events and/or reports...
   I could not shed my country life. Could you imagine a zoom-lens news photo of your President in garden boots and gear, joyfully sinking her gardener-hands into the soil of the White House rose garden? Could you see her sitting barefoot with her husband on the front porch of the White House? Or stringing wind chimes in the trees around the White House; or building outdoor campfires there for grandkids? Or walking with her big dog Mck on balmy nights? Or building snowmen in the winter on the White House lawn?...
   I COULD NOT AND I WOULD NOT trade my simple country life for Secret Service; black-tie dinners, caviars and limousines; cabinet meetings, press conferences and speeches--not for all the perks of glory, fame and power.
   And neither I nor my family nor my country (nor anybody else) would be happy if I did!